Longing for Comfort
by Stories foreva
Summary: It is Lily's first Christmas without her parents, and she suddenly feels all alone. Can James change that? Fluff! JILLY!


"Merry Chrismas Lily!" A small first year smiled shyly up at the red head, before spinning on her heel and running off to join her brunette friend at the table. Lily Evans smiled at the two girls before turning around with a sigh and shooting a look around the Great Hall. Only one long table sat in the middle of the room, with most of the students returning home for the holidays. Lily herself usually returned home, but she didn't have much of a home to return to anymore. Not after a fire set in mysterious circumstances had taken both the lives of her mother and father and her sister, Petunia, had disowned her. Well, she hadn't literally disowned the witch, but she might as well have. The letter she had sent after the deaths of her parents had been harsh enough.  
Lily slowly backed to the wall and leaned against its cool surface, taking a few deep breaths. Her own best friend, McKinzie Madson, had offered to stay behind for break, but Lily knew how much she missed her parents and younger sister, Lucy, whom wasn't quite old enough to attend Hogwarts yet. She had faked a smile and told the girl to go, that she would be fine at Hogwarts without her. Lily didn't know if McKinzie had actually bought it, but she suspected that her best friend had wanted to believe it, so she had.  
Alice and Marlene had also went home for the holidays. Marlene had been swayed by a promise to go to France by her parents and Alice had longed to spend the holidays with her already graduated boyfriend, Frank Longbottom. That left Carrie Potter.  
Carrie Potter had to be Lily's closest friend, the only exception being McKinzie, but she also happened to be the cousin of the famous Marauder and troublemaker, James Potter, the same James Potter whom happened to be the opposite to Lily's Head Girl, Head Boy. The boy whom had asked her out on a daily basis through their first through fifth years, finally stopping sometime in sixth year. Lily had been pleased at that amazing turn of events, until she realized she missed it.  
Yes, that is right. Lily Evans missed the handsome Marauder asking her out everyday. She missed his genuine affection for her, the way he always seemed to be there when she needed to be cheered up. The same guy that would allow her to hex him but still return to teasingly bat at her hair and smile cheekily with that gorgeous smile of his. Ah, darn it. Lily Evans had begun to like that boy, and his change in immaturity to actually resembling a responsible adult had only made it worst.

Carrie had absolutely refused to to go home for the holidays, no matter what Lily had told her or how much she insisted that she was okay. "I'm not leaving, Lily-Darling," The black haired girl had finally told her, before turning away and asking McKinzie what type of gloss she had changed to.

Despite her complaints, Lily was glad that Carrie had stayed. She had been a little fearful of being alone for the holidays, worrying that she wouldn't be able to finish the Head duties she had promised Dumbledore she would for for the students staying at Hogwarts for Christmas. And it was true that Lily had ended up needing Carrie's help, because a certain Head Boy had opted to stay over the holidays.

"It wouldn't be fair to make you do all the work." James Potter had simply replied when Lily had finally worked up the courage to question him on his holiday plans. And as one didn't seem to be able to be without the other, Sirius Black had stayed behind as well. Actually, the only one of the Marauders who wasn't at Hogwarts for the holidays was the small, pudgy boy known as Peter Pettigrew. Small comforts, Lily had decided. The boy reminded her far too much of a rat, and as she had confided in Carrie so many times, rats absolutely creeped her out. And no, that didn't mean she refused to perform spells on the creatures. It just meant that she didn't want to spend any more time then necessary with the creatures that she considered absolutely vile. The way they snuck around, hiding in the cracks and shadows...it just wasn't right. Too much like a snake for her liking, and she had had enough with snakes too last a life time. In the literal and nonliteral sense each.

"Lovely Lily."

Lily couldn't help but let a small smile escape as she turned to look at her fellow head. He rested his back against the wall beside her, holding out a goblet of pumpkin juice that only looked too appealing for Lily to resist. She accepted with a gracious nod, bringing the silver goblet to her lips and letting the delicious liquid slide down her throat.

"I'm surprised. I thought for sure that you three would have had a prank planned." Lily nodded towards the two Marauders sitting at the table. Sirius apparently seemed to be having a staring contest with Carrie, while Remus Lupin observed fiasco the with an amused expression. James shrugged, taking a sip from his own goblet.

"I figured that a little peace was required, in respect of the holiday." He winked and Lily had to fight for her cheeks to remain normal shaded. "I'm not promising that tomorrow shall be so..quiet...anyway."

Lily smiled, shaking her head. "You three."

James smirked. Was it just her, or did he seem to be getting closer. "You know you couldn't live without us. You'd miss us too much."

Lily shrugged, admitting defeat. She took another gulp of her pumpkin juice and looked back over at the long table, observing the happy smiles and joyous laughter that seemed to be consistent among most of the table. All except for the few Slytherin that had stayed behind, they all appeared to wear angry frowns or blank bored expressions that didn't seem fit for the time of year. The two girls were still sitting close together, slightly intimidated at the rambunctious nature of all of the older kids, but they were smiling. Lily took a final drink of the pumpkin juice and then made a move to set the goblet done, but it seemingly disappeared with a soft poof. Lily blinked momentarily before shrugging the occasion off. Weirder things had occurred at Hogwarts.

"How are you doing?" James asked seriously. His hazel eyes were focused intently on her face, a light concern etched into his features. Lily looked over briefly, meeting his eyes only for a moment before changing her gaze to the table again. "And don't just tell me you are doing good, because we both know that isn't the truth."

Lily swallowed deeply. "I miss them, but I always miss them. It's nothing new."

Except that it was, because she missed them even more than usual. Every time she caught sight of one of the many Christmas trees or heard a Christmas carol, her heart tightened and she felt like she was going to suffocate. The mistletoe wasn't a big help either. Her father had loved hanging the mistletoe all over the house, giving him an excuse to give a kiss to his wife anytime she happened to pass under one. She still always thought of the first time she could remember her father hanging the mistletoe, eyes glimmering with mischief as he crawled onto his stepladder and began to set about his task. Lily had asked what he was doing.

He had remained quiet a few moments, before softly replying that he was hanging mistletoe.

"What's that?" Lily has asked, extremely curious why her father was hanging these small plants all over the house. He glanced down at her, a small smile on his lips.

"They call it mistletoe, Lily Darling." Her father had responded simply. Lily had arched an eyebrow with confusion and he had rested his fingers to his lips, before sneaking behind his wife while holding an extra mistletoe above her head. She turned at the noise of his approach, but only smiled with amusement before taking to her tiptoes and lightly kissing his lips.

"I still don't get what mistletoe is." The younger red head had finally decided, before turning on her heel and marching off. As most children's minds work, the thought didn't plague her long until she had a sudden new idea to ponder on and was off to her own trouble.

James rested his hand on her arm, and as much as Lily hated to admit it, she longed for the friendly gesture to become more. Maybe a significant light touch to the neck, or the movement of hiding her hair behind her ear neatly, or maybe even wrapping his arm tightly around her shoulders. He didn't, to her displeasure.

"I don't believe that for a second, Lily Marie Evans." James murmured, hazel eyes scorching her face more so than before. "I know you better. You're missing them like crazy, even more than you were before."

Lily looked at the floor, trying to avoid the sensation of grief that had come over her like a blanket. James shuffled his feet and he moved to stand in front of her, moving a hand to tip her chin upwards and meeting her eyes. A few, long quiet moments passed, with each staring deeply into each other's eyes. Lily's breath was caught in the depths of her throat and she finally blinked painfully, hiding a tear that was threatening to escape.

"You know, you don't have to be so strong all the time." James finally said, still staring intensely into her eyes. "It is okay to let others in."

Lily shook her head with disbelief, hiding another tear by casually bringing her hand to tuck a strain of red hair behind her ear and wipe away a tear. As much as she wanted to believe that it would be okay to let her guard down, that it would be okay to let someone care for her for a moment, but Lily Evans had learned that it was safer to trust herself with her emotions. She couldn't let anyone see any weakness from her, not even a small first year. She had to be the strong one, the one to persevere and keep a calm head.

James sighed and stepped back, tucking his hands safely into his pockets. "But that's not your style, right Lily?"

Lily shrugged and James nodded to himself, starting to turn away. He took a few steps, before stopping and glancing at her over his shoulder. "They would want you to be happy, Lily. I know it doesn't help, but...they would have wanted you to trust. To let people in. "

Lily watched him walk away, longing to call after him but she couldn't muster the strength to. She longed to have him turn around and dash handsomely back to her side, for his strong arm to wrap around her waist and protectively stand beside her. She wanted to tell him how she felt. Or to run after him and wrap her own arms around him, telling him a simple thank you for being so amazing. She wanted to hear him say the words he used to speak so often to her.

But it was too late for that. She had had him, but any chance she had ever had with the famous James Potter had dashed so quickly out the window that she didn't have an option anymore.

"Lily?" Carrie sat down beside the Head Girl, nudging her lightly in the ribs. The red head was staring at the flickering flames in the fireplace, completely oblivious of the joyous voices coming from every angle in the Gryffindor Common Room, which wasn't near as private as she had longed for, but she had made a promise to keep an eye on the left behind first years and she certainly wasn't going to bow out on any of her responsibilities.

Lily slowly turned to look at the girl, arching an eyebrow. Carrie looked at her for a few moments, before quickly wrapping her arms around her and sighing. "It's okay, Lily."

Lily snorted, shaking her head. "So I've been told, but it honestly doesn't feel that way."  
Carrie glanced behind her, her gaze going to her cousin, whom was entertaining a small group of younger students by turning Sirius's hair all shades of vibrant colors when the teen wasn't paying attention, or so it seemed. Lily couldn't help but let out a small smile, which Carrie caught and nudged her again. "You should come over with me."  
Lily looked away quickly. "I don't think I can."

"What, are you kidding? You'd be more welcome than me!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "I doubt that. James genuinely cares for you."

Carrie watched with suspicion. "What do you mean by that? I'm related to him..." She droned off, realizing what she was going to say and quickly backtracked. "He totally cares for you, Lils. You just are too stubborn to notice."

"Am I? Carrie, I've been watching him for months and he hasn't shown a single sign of being interested." Lily absently twirled a red lock around her finger, curling it completely around her finger, covering her finger with red for a brief moment. Carrie snorted. "You're delusional."  
"Carrie, just stop. Please." Lily met her friend's eyes and then stood up. "I need to go. I..." Lily glanced at the first years for a brief second, mind speeding in an attempt to find a solution to her otherwise dilemma. "Can you..."  
"Lily..." Carrie sighed and then nodded, standing up and directing her body towards the Marauders. "Just go."

Lily didn't have to be told twice, making a beeline towards the portait and only pausing once she was standing in front of it. Only a second's hesitation, but just enough to draw some attention to herself. Forcing herself to slide out, she adverted her eyes from the direction of the Marauders and disappeared through the door.

She didn't know how she had gotten to the famous North Tower, but she had somehow managed to find herself there. It didn't much matter, anyway.

As a young second year, the prospect of the Tower intrigued her in the least. It was said that every couple that was anyone had something momentous occur in the tower, whether it be a date, a important conversation, and most notably, a proposal. Less important things occurred in the tower, a quick kiss between classes or casual conversations between a crush or new boyfriend or girlfriend, but those were never discussed. Even at twelve years old, Lily had never fully been against the idea of love. She had seen what it did to her mother and father first hand and she had learned that she wanted something like that. Never at the present moment, but at some point. Lily knew she didn't seem the type to romanticize about love and boyfriends, but it was just one of her hidden qualities, in her opinion. So the idea of a place where enchanting love occurred? Intriguing, in the least.

The view was phenomenal. The North Tower didn't just allow a view to everything in the North, but Lily could see anything. She could even see the Quidditch Pitch from here. The place where almost every student at Hogwarts would gather to watch the magical game that for so long Lily really hadn't at all enjoyed. At first, that is. But he, James Potter of all people, had changed her mind.

"It's not all about winning, you know." James had told her, during one of their many patrols. Lily remembered the immediate confusion that had taken over her, but she had only responded with a curious raised eyebrow. Classy, Lily reminisced.

"It's amazing. The feeling you have when you are out there...it's incredible." James's eyes had begun to glow and Lily couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. His apparent glee and excitement at the mere mention of the flying sport. "It starts out with this light feeling in your chest. You're almost immediately lost into it, as if in a magical trance. No matter how bad of week you've had, it just somehow makes it all better." James had nervously rubbed the back of his neck, which Lily hadn't understood. "I guess it sounds pretty stupid."  
"No." Surprising James and herself, Lily had turned her head and smiled. "It doesn't. It's the same way I feel when I read a book. It makes you forget all of your problems, even just for a moment."

"Yeah." James had grinned." I suppose that is it."

Lily smiled at the memory, staring down at the Quidditch Pitch thoughtfully. She could imagine her parents' advice at the dilemma; her mother would stare at her with her brown eyes and smile, arms crossed with a thoughtful glimmer in her eyes. "Oh, Lily, you're falling in love! My little girl is in love!"

"Naw, she's too young." Her father would argue, sitting in his chair across from the window. He would look up from his paper with his glasses edging down his nose, shaking his head slightly to the left and right. "My Lily Flower doesn't need a man to make her happy."  
"Oh, you, shush. Be happy for her, would you?"  
A fake dramatic sigh would follow. "But..."  
"No buts about it, mister!" Her mother would turn back to her. "But Lily, why haven't you told him yet? Be the feminist I know you are and just walk up to him and ask him out. Simple as that."  
"Your mother has a point, Lily Dear. Sadly." Her father would shake his head sadly, still upset that his little girl wasn't so young anymore. Lily sighed, returning to reality.  
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Lily guessed she shouldn't have been surprised that James would be the person would follow her. He was James, after all. He was too chivalrous not to make sure she was alright. Was she, Lily wondered? Was she alright? It had been so long since she wasn't okay that she didn't even know if she remembered how you felt when you were okay.

"I guess it kind of lives up to its legend." James continued, moving from the stairs and coming over to stand next to her. "I can see why so much has happened in this place."  
"Mhmm." Lily wished she could say something clever, something that you would expect from the Head Girl.

"But as beautiful as the view is," James eyes fell back to her, "It doesn't seem like the place a person would go when she is grieving for her parents."  
"I guess I am just different than everyone else." Lily felt his gaze scorch her face and shifted awkwardly. "I've never been up here before."  
James chuckled, looking up at the sky. "Never, huh?"

Lily shook her head. "I'm not like you. My love story doesn't entail hundreds of girls from start to finish."  
James's expression darkened. "It's the finish that I'm more concerned about, Lils. Why don't you tell me what's really up?"  
Lily opened her mouth to respond, but then closed it again before shaking her head. "It's nothing, James." James. Even the name felt amazing off of her lips.

James remained silent for a long time. Lily turned away and meant to being the trek down the steps, but James caught her wrist and twirled her around to face him. "No."

"No what?"  
"No, as in, I'm not accepting that. You're going to tell me what is really going on."

Lily met his hazel eyes only for a moment. "I am, huh?"

James nodded seriously. "You are."

Lily let out a long, slow breath. "My parents loved each other. They didn't need to say it, you just _knew._ There love was the type that overwhelmed a person, love that shown through in every gesture. They loved Christmas time, you know." James nodded, stepping closer to Lily without breaking their shared gaze. "They went all out, every year."

"They'd want you to be happy." James murmured quietly. Lily moved away from him, back to the window.

"I know they would. They'd want me to be brave, like they were. Take chances for love, to tell the person that I love the truth. I used to think that I could easily do that. That was before I knew the pain of losing someone, though. Before I feared that same pain."

James covered her hand with his own, standing so close that their shoulders touched. "Something tells me, Lils, that any guy you could possibly open yourself up to love won't leave you. They'd be fools to. You're way too good for that."

Lily laughed dryly. "You have no idea..."  
"What, you think I don't get the pain of having someone that you love turn away from you? Of course I do! I had it happen to me many times, so many that now I can't get myself to take one more chance. I hate myself for it, but I know I'd hate myself for allowing her to get away from me too. If I can't have a romantic life with her, I at least want to be a part of her life."  
"But you're James Potter! You can have any girl you want, so in reality, I'm sure if you told the girl the truth, she'd almost fall directly into your arms! Any girl, James."  
"Except you." James whispered. Lily's jaw dropped and she fell backwards, catching herself on the window. James turned away, beginning to go down the steps slowly. Lily's mind whirled and she had to make herself breathe. She knew if she let him just walk away, she wouldn't have another chance with him. Everything would be over. Her heart was pounding and she didn't know what she was going to do, but she ran after him and jumped in front of him, grabbing his shoulders. James's eyes widened and he was about to speak, but Lily forced her lips to his and grabbed the back of his neck, bringing him closer. James gasped in surprise but met her urgent lips. One of his hands tangled in the back of her hair, bringing her head to him as he circled another arm around her waist.

Lily had kissed guys before, but never like this. She had never felt the passion that belonged in a kiss, the need for proximity and more showing in every gesture. James's lips were skilled, but she wasn't sure that even he could master the passion that had exploded between them within the gesture.

"I love you, James Potter." Lily murmured. James's lips smiled against hers, before he broke away and forced her body closer to himself.

"I have always loved you, Lily Evans."

Lily's heart pounded, not in fear this time, but in joy. James brought his lips down to hers once more, and the time for thinking was gone.

**The End!**

**Just Jilly Fluff! Started writing this around XMas time but got so busy with school that I never finished!**

**Disclaimer: If I was J.K Rowling, would I still be going to school?**


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